Top Five Reasons UMass Will Beat Ohio

 

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Fresh off a statement win over Charlotte- the Minutemen are ready to roll over the Bobcats of Ohio this week.

No they aren’t!

Well I didn’t want to do this (or did I?) lets go to the reasons why:

  1. Cleveland boasts America’s first traffic light 

Now I know what you’re thinking- what could possibly be wrong with traffic lights? Thats what I’m here for. In the world of D1 FBS football there is no red lights, or yellow lights, only green. All gas no brakes. Ohio will not be able to keep up with the Minutemen’s reckless abandonment brand of football. Advantage UMass.

2. The Pro Football Hall of Fame is located in Canton.

Have fun living in the past! Here in Amherst we are focused on the future. While Ohio probably looks at Vince Lombardi’s play diagrams in their spare time, the Minuteman are watching film until their eyes bleed, lifting weights until their muscles pop, and consuming strictly protein. In terms of productive time usage off the football field? I have no choice but to give the leg up to UMass.

3. Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to venture into outer space. On February 20, 1962 he was the first American to orbit the earth.

Sounds to me like people from Ohio are more focused on things outside of planet earth than on it. Last time I checked you can’t win a ballgame from the international space station. One small victory for the boys in red or one big L for Ohio? I’ll take the latter.

4. Columbus is the state capital and Ohio’s largest city.

What comes to mind when you hear “Columbus”? Answer; DayVery interesting how the capital of Ohio is synonymous with a day off of work. Could this culture of laziness rub off on the football team? Not saying just definitely saying. Minutemen don’t take days off. Never have. Never will.

5. Akron was the first city to use police cars

Narcs.

Lets have ourselves a weekend

NNNN

P.S-IMG_0936.jpgDisclaimer: I as a child of God, law abider, and upstanding student will not be partaking of course. Just putting it out there #enjoy

 

 

 

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